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Kelby shared Club Trillion with me yesterday, a blag written by Ohio State University basketball walk-on Mark Titus (i.e., OSU’s significantly taller version of Bubba Chisholm. Although, looking at Bubba’s stats, it doesn’t appear he’s managed to pull off a trillion at Illinois.). His self-deprecating sense of humor and stories about being a mediocre player at a high-profile D1 basketball program are hilarious.

In case you’re unaware, the “trillion” refers to the stat line for a player who gets in the game for a minute, but does absolutely nothing. No shots, no rebounds, no fouls—nothing. For example, Tyler Griffey had a four trillion in Tuesday’s game against Penn State. (Technically, I guess that’s not a trillion, because Griffey put in legitimate minutes, not scrub minutes at the end of a blowout. But the stat line is right, and I’m too busy (liar! —Ed.) to find a better example.)

It’s just too bad Titus doesn’t play for the University of Illinois.